5 Rules For Expelling Bats

(1) Do not assume the bat wants to get out.
There is a reason why he is in your house. Only he knows this reason. I assume it has something to do with catching bugs.

(2) Contain him in a room with a door, not merely a window, to the outside.
This is an important rule. The bat will resist your attempts to make him fly outside. You need an opening at least as big as a door. If you have french doors, you are ahead of the game.

(3) Keep him flying.
Bats can stick to walls. When he does this, wave your arms at him to get him flying. Eventually, you will have to poke him with a stick to dislodge him. After a while, he will submit to the poking and make a strange clicking noise. He has outsmarted you. He knows he is safe on the wall. In this case, skip to rule (4) subsection b.

(4) Make the bat think he is in a smaller space than he actually is.
(a) The best way to do this is to "become a wall". To do this, stand in the middle of the room and wave your arms at him when he flies near you. Do not be afraid to touch him. He is actually quite soft. Eventually, and this will take a surprisingly long time, the bat will decide to fly outside. Congratulations!
(b) If your bat will not dislodge, obtain a small garbage can or other receptacle and a piece of paper to cover the opening. By now he is tired from flying and smug from outsmarting you. It will not be hard to pop the can over him and slide the paper under the can. Run, do not walk, to the door and dump him on the lawn. If he escapes before you can get out of the house, go back to rule 4 subsection a.

(5) Do not be ashamed of wanting to kill the bat, especially if this is the 4th time in a month that you have had to deal with him.