Darden!!!!

Darden the goat was born in the year of the Warrior. As I hope becomes clear, he should have been born in the year of the Prophet. Like the Chinese, the goats put a lot of stock in astrology. For goats, there are twelve different kinds of years. The year that a goat is born largely determines what kind of life he will have. Those born in the year of the Warrior are expected to be fighters. They will be called upon, at some point in their life, to pass a test. No goat knows what his warrior test will be, and some err in thinking that they have passed their test, when the real hurdle is just around the bend.
Compared to the warrior goats, the goats born in the year of the Prophet have a somewhat easier time of it. They are allowed to sit in the grass and utter non-sensical oracles for most of their life. Sometimes one of them will hit upon something, but most of the time no one listens, and the prophet goat is allowed to get fat and happy off of the grass offerings that every goat is obliged to give in exchange for prophetic wisdom.
When Darden was born there was a crisis brewing in the forest of Crenshaw. The spring that fed the grass lands in the foothills of Crenshaw had all but dried up. There was hardly enough grass to go around. The crisis was exacerbated by the fact that the crop of goats born that year was the largest ever. Schools sprang up overnight to teach the new warrior kids about their important place in the scheme of things. The warrior kids were led to believe that their great test would somehow or other involve solving the grass problem.
Those who were prophets, or closely related to prophets, got first pick of the leftover grass offerings. Geneologies appeared proving that so and so begat so and so. And so, nearly every goat felt entitled to a little bit more of the leftovers than every other goat. The less clever goats, feeling something was ahoof, began to conceal the size of their family grass patches from the takers of the goat census. So, the prophet goats, who were the default teachers of the goat community, grew quite resentful of the parents of the warrior goats. “Can’t teach on an empty stomach.”, was a newly coined saying that became very popular.
Into all this popped Darden. He could walk well immediately upon exit from the womb. This brought joy to his father, Popsy, who was afraid that his son would, like him, be weak and clumsy. A father’s joy quickly turned to concern when Darden, on his first night on earth, took it upon himself to wander away and get mixed up with Clopas, an old prophet goat that nobody liked. You see, social connections are very important in the goat world. Who you are seen with is almost as important as when you are born. After a tense night of searching, Popsy found Darden playing with Clopas’ daughter, Delilah, in a field far from the main camp. He exchanged some tense words with Clopas, who seemed to know more about Darden than he wanted to let on.
On the way back to their camp, Popsy asked Darden what he was doing way out there.
“I was falling in love.”, said Darden, smiling his silly goat smile.
“You don’t know what love is, Darden. You are not even a day old. Besides, you were not born in the year of the Lover. You are a warrior.” Popsy was beaming and had a far off look in his eye. He was a warrior too.
“But Clopas told me...”
“Never mind that old nag. He doesn’t know what you are destined to do.”
“What am I destined to do Popsy?”
“Don’t worry about that til’ tomorrow. That’s when you meet your real teacher.”
“TEACHER!”. Darden, laughing and jumping, yelled this delightful new word a little too loud for such an early morning. But Popsy, happy to be with his new son, just laughed.
“What were you and Father Clopas arguing about?”, asked Darden.
Popsy sighed and looked at Darden. “We were arguing about you. About what you would become.”
“What did Father Clopas say I would become?”
“Son, I am going to tell you this, but then we can’t talk about it ever again, not even to your mother.”
“Okay”. Darden was frowning now.
“Clopas said that you will marry Delilah.”
“Yaay!!”
“Son, hush up. It’s early. You will not marry Delilah, or anybody. This is not something we can discuss right now, but you should consider the decision as already made.”
The stern look on his father’s face kept Darden from asking the questions that had arisen in his goat heart. The father and his new son walked in silence the rest of the way back to the camp. They went to bed and slept most of the day away, while Honey, Darden’s mother, gathered grass for tomorrow’s offering.

Excerpted from: The Monumental Compendium of Discarded Disney Movie Screenplays Edited by Joey Peabody